How It Began
by The Pixess
Summary: Of course, we all know by now of the Award Show being hosted in this section. But how would it pan out if there was an actual ceremony, characters and all?


**Disclaimer: Okay, so, once upon a LONG, LONG time ago, the authoress of this humble story had not yet registered with this site, though she planned to. Said authoress also had a song stuck in her head that would not go away. Being the sugar-addicted, third-person loving writer she is, the lyrics eventually twisted into her head as this little satire. Somehow this satire turned into an award show for fanfiction, with Idina and Cheno and a whole bunch of other random crap. Needless to say, it was not very good, and definitely not publishable. However, in honor of the WICKED AWARDS (and no, the fact that I wrote a fic about an award show and then we actually have one did not freak me out at all), I decided to reedit it without the real people, hope it doesn't suck, and post it. **

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"GELPHIE HAS MONO!" 

Elphaba started as M. Richard Andre ran panting into her and Glinda's shared dressing room.

"I beg your pardon?" she questioned.

"Gelphie has mono," Andre repeated breathlessly, his Ozian heavily accented in French. "And they won."

"Sooooooo?" Glinda prompted.

Andre glared at her. "So you'll just have to go on for them," he replied tartly.

"But we're the Friendship-Gelphie-Filinda-Fiyeraba!" the blonde protested. "We can't-"

"Just fake it!" Andre snapped impatiently. Then, noting Elphaba's death look, added more politely (if whining can _be_ polite), "Please, please do it, you are best friends, it shouldn't be that hard- it's not like you're from _The Wickeder _or some-"

"Please don't ever bring that thing up again if you value your health," Elphaba interjected as Glinda started to twitch.

Andre held up his hands in apology. "_Please_," he groveled, "I am begging here, we have a code C down in the Fop- I mean, literary musical room. Plus The Woman in White and The Beggar Woman somehow wound up meeting each other, and now they're going around annoying the-" he said a French word that the girls could only assume meant 'crap' in his native tongue- "out of everyone. Plus apparently no one told Mrs. Lovett what Anne's secret IS, so now she thinks it's The Beggar's true name and is trying to- how you say?- 'off' her before she informs around to M. Sweeney. So could you PLEASE PLEASE, kind mademoiselles, cover this for me?"

Glinda looked over at her friend. "He _does _sound kind of desperate, Elphie," she admitted.

The Witch looked skeptical. "What's a code C?" she wanted to know.

Andre fidgeted. "Well…" he trailed, "As I said, it was in the literary section, and apparently Mlle. Lark- I believe I heard the gamine call her-somehow heard that Raoul had won Best Fop, and so since Firmin told them all fop stood for 'Fantastic of Persons', she is vexed, and winds up in a _chaton_ fight with Mlle. Daae, and now…well…"

A smirk danced across Elphaba's face. "You can't even tell them apart, can you?" she asked. "And Christine from your own show!"

The manager was indignant. "Mademoiselle, I would quite like to see _you_ try to separate those too! Merde, we even had their dresses color coded, but of course Firmin forgets who had what and they are both curly brunette sopranos that sound like they are on the helium with such horrible taste in men it is difficult to-"

"Okay, sweetie, we'll do it, breathe," cried Glinda, alarmed at the Frenchmen's downward spiral.

He beamed. "_Merci!_" he squeaked, and quickly ushered the two of them to the wings.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" the green girl asked nervously while the winner was being formally announced.

"No," Andre replied brightly, before shoving the pair of them on stage.

Nausea engulfed Elphaba as she and her petite friend stepped into the bright light, the crowd roaring with approval. Glinda dipped into an elaborate curtsy, playing along as though she were her homosexual twin, and Elphie, figuring it best to follow her lead, smiled behind her. Glinda straightened up quickly, waving like mad to her audience.

"Oh thank you, thank you," she gushed. "You're all such darlings! I truly never expected this, oh I'm so lucky-"

"_We're_ so lucky," Elphaba corrected, stepping forward, entwining her fingers in her 'partner's.'

"Well naturally," Glinda agreed, unabashed. "Of course, some of us are luckier than _others, _but-"

Elphaba took her hand back, breaking character. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

A hush came over the live audience, sensing the sudden tension.

"Oh, don't be cross, Elphie!" Glinda laughed nervously, giving her a playful slap. "You know what I meant!"

"No, I'm afraid I don't." Elphaba said coldly.

The blonde winked at her subtly, and the Witch realized she had purposefully bated her- why, she couldn't tell.

"Um, well," Glinda said, clearly feigning discomfort, sweat droplets beginning to form under her tiara. "It's just that- I've had to make a lot of sacrifices for this relationship-"

"You think I haven't?" Elphaba demanded, deciding the other girl wanted her to stay angry.

"No, of course not, darling, but really," Glinda lowered her voice, but made certain her mic still picked up her voice under all that taffeta. "It's so much more _difficult_ for ME. I'm not as stub- I mean, courageous as you are. Plus, it's not as if you actually had a _life_ before all this Animal rights nonsense-"

"Nonsense?!"

"But I had a lot of things going for me at the time. I was Popular! I had friends! I mean, really, Elphie-" the blonde turned towards the audience in one swift movement. "_Every single day-"_

A collective gasp of recognition from the Rent-heads. Elphie grinned, and then quickly covered it with her trademark Scowl.

"_I walk down the street,_" whoops, bursts of laughter, a few catcalls, "_I heard people say baaaby, so sweet."_

Now that the crowd had fully recognized the song, Glindy launched into it at full force.

"_Ever since you learned sorcery,_

_Everybody glares at me!_

_Boys, girls, I can't help it bay-bee_

_So be kind, and don't loose your mind_

_Just remember, that I'm your baby!_

_Take me for what I am!_

_Who I was meant to be_

_And if you give a d-_

"Oh Shiz," one of the censors in the control booth muttered.

_Take me baby or leave me_

Glinda pranced across the stage to where a large square object sat, covered with a purple cloth. "_A Tiger in a cage,"_ she yanked the cloth of with flourish, revealing a robotic tiger Grizabella had planned on using in her act later (but who cared about her?), "_May never see the sun-"_

Elphaba gasped dramatically and made a show of trembling with anger as Glinda ran her fingers sexily across the cage bars.

"_But this diva needs her stage_

_and baby, do you need fun!_

_You are the one I choooooose_

_Folks got would kill to fill your ruby shoes!_

"Hey, Glinda, strike a pose!" a paparazzi yelled from the audience

"Those shoes belonged to Nessarose!" Elphie yelled indignantly.

"_You look lime in the right light it's true, now baby, _

_But be mine, and don't waste my time_

_Crying, oh honey bear,_

_Are you still my-my-baby?"_

"I love your hair!" Joan Rivers cried as the blonde went through the chorus again. Glinda did several ballet twirls before coming to Elphaba- whose face contorted with rage- and wrapped her arms around her shoulders, swaying.

"_Be what I'm not? I could._

_Cuz hey-"_

She shoved her away.

"_-Don't you want your girl good?!_"

The crowd was eating it up. Elphaba glared up at Glinda as she lay sprawled across the stage floor. The other woman danced over, extending a hand.

"_Don't fight, don't loose your head,_

_It's the only way, you won't be dead!_

Elphaba pushed herself up, advancing angrily toward Glinda, who pleaded:

"Oh baby- _Don't spite, don't drown in mead!_

"_Cuz though I'm right, I'm still your girlfriend!_

_Yes,_

_I'm still your girlfriend!_

Kiss, Elphie."

Elphaba shook her head disgustedly. "This won't work.

"_**I look before I sweep**__-"_ in a moment of inspiration, she conjured a broomstick and gave it a piton twirl. "_**I loathe the Wizard and his men. I undermine your cause- baby, I'm green as sin! Never simper, I wanna shout. Baby I love you- please don't pout! What to do? I have to be true, to myself baaaaybe.**_

"_**So be wise,**_

_**Cuz this girl's got eyes**_

_**You are a prize, so don't compromise!**_

_**Defy Gravity baby!**_

_**Take me for, what I am**_

_A circus freak_

_**Who I was meant to be**_

_A snob, with too much incentive _

_**And if you give a damn**_

_A beanstalk, that knows how to speak _

_**Take me baby**_

_A rain over protective!_

_**Or leave me!**_

Without warning, the Scarecrow trudged out of the wings and shouted, "YOU'RE RUNNING LONG, PRIMA DONNAS, CARLOTTA'S BACKSTAGE THROWING A HISSY-"

"Our ratings are so dead," one teleprompter grumbled to his companion.

Glinda looked about ready to throw her own hissy at him before Elphaba jerked her gaze back towards her.

"_**He's it!"**_ the Witch declared, pointing toward her canon partner. "_**The straw that beaks my back! I quit!"**_

Glinda grabbed her as she made to storm over to Yero. "_Oh please no take me back!"_

The pair turned beseechingly toward the audience.

"_**Slash**__ fics, __**what**__ is __**it**__ about __**them**_

_Can't __**live**_

_With __**them**__ or __**without**__ them…_

"_**Take**__ us __**for**__ who__** we**__ are!_

_**Who**__ we __**were**__meant __**to**__ be!_

_**And**__ if __**you**__ give __**a **__da-_"

The Scarecrow tumbled over, hugging Elphaba. "Take Me or Leave Me" cleverly bled off into another RENT song. A few over-eager fans shouted: "WHY DOROTHY AND TOTO-!"

"**Why Elphie and Fiyero **

**Always come up zero **

**On fan fiction. Net…**

The three of them punched their fists into the air as they finished off the number with,

"**_Viva la Lesbian!"_**

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A/N: Please don't kill me, we all had our first fics...and I have nothing against Gelphie, BTW. 


End file.
